


12 17 24

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Out of Character, Suicide mention, because its a vent, eating disorder mention, im not tagging this well, its all vague phrasing and stuff, like REALLY out of character, no beta we die like men, not really written well, self harm mention, the relationship takes place entirely online btw, unhealthy relationship, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25852711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Izuru Kamukura didn’t really care about a lot of things, or a lot of people, but when he did he didn’t really show it. Unless the person was Nagito Komaeda, his darling boyfriend, his precious Koko.--Really personal vent fic, will probably make you feel bad. A once again really personal author's note at the end directing towards the Nagito here.
Relationships: Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	12 17 24

Izuru Kamukura didn’t really care about a lot of things, or a lot of people, but when he did he didn’t really show it. Unless the person was Nagito Komaeda, his darling boyfriend, his precious Koko. His lovely, darling, precious--All the pet names he could think of, he would call Nagito. Their relationship was so disgustingly sweet that it would make you sick. And it was perfect, in their minds, it was perfect. Even though Izuru constantly put himself under pressure, always checked Nagito’s accounts for the slightest idea of something being off, even if Nagito was unhappy all the time and Izuru felt the need to help him even though they both knew realistically that Izuru was still only human and couldn’t bear all the burdens of someone else. Even though Izuru was always on edge, waiting for Nagito to do or post or say something concerning which always made Izuru feel sick to his stomach with the fear of loss, but he didn’t mind that, he didn’t mind it if he was helping.

It wasn’t unhealthy, per se, it wasn’t like Nagito stressed Izuru out on purpose. It wasn’t like Izuru was unaware of what he would be doing when he began dating Nagito. He knew what was coming for him, he was already prepared to make the effort and support Nagito. He knew and he didn’t care because the butterflies in his stomach were so strong and the sound of Nagito’s voice and laugh made his heart melt entirely. Everything Nagito did made Izuru turn to mush instantly.

Okay, maybe it was a little unhealthy, that Izuru had to turn on post notifications in case Nagito posted a vent and he didn’t make it in time, that he sheltered away from family in case Nagito needed him, that he had to talk Nagito out of suicide several times, that he had to instruct Nagito through an overdose once, that he was painfully aware of everytime Nagito did something to hurt himself, that he tried to talk Nagito out of his eating disorder daily, that he stayed awake late in case Nagito woke up, that he sacrificed his own health for Nagito, that Nagito told him that Izuru was the only thing keeping him alive.

But it wasn’t Nagito’s fault, it wasn’t, not one bit, and despite Izuru being aware of all this he just didn’t care because his love for Nagito was so strong. Izuru was more than ready, more than willing, to drop everything for Nagito. Not that Nagito really would ever expect or ask of that for him. But the pressure on them both was building up, their collective mental health was slipping.

So when Nagito said he “needed a break” from dating people, Izuru didn’t stop him. Izuru gave him space, time, even when he still knew every detail of his poor coping habits (he never turned off post notifications, just stopped commenting. To give him space.), even when Nagito posted that he yearned for a boyfriend, even when Nagito posted that he wanted to be the soft one in a relationship instead of having to take care of the other (which broke Izuru’s heart, really, where had he not put in enough effort?), even when Nagito put on his story that all his past lovers had been exactly the opposite of what he wanted (which shattered Izuru’s heart, really, had Nagito even ever loved him?), he still did his best to wait. Patiently, like a good boyfriend.

He wasn’t sure what the final straw was. He wasn’t sure what pushed him to text Nagito, “I’m sorry for whatever I did that caused you to abandon me.” He wasn’t sure why he had phrased it so accusingly. He wasn’t sure what pushed him to unfollow and unfriend (not block, he didn’t have the heart) Nagito on every platform. He wasn’t sure why he deleted their texts, he wasn’t sure why he did any of that, and he was least of all sure why he never got rid of their first conversation on Tumblr.

He wasn’t sure what pushed him to keep checking Nagito’s profile on Instagram, either, what caused him to unconsciously keep track of his posts, followers, and following counts. Maybe it was habit, that he kept checking, feeling a small sense of dread each time, even though he couldn’t actually see the posts since the account was private. He noticed when his post count reverted to 0, and started building up again, and when his followers or following count fluctuated.

Izuru wasn’t sure when or how he noticed that the numbers became stagnant. But he knew it, at that moment, he realized with a sense of genuine  _ despair _ that Nagito had certainly killed himself and it was his fault for leaving. He knew he had killed Nagito.

Nagito died with 12 posts, 17 followers, and 24 following. And it was Izuru’s fault entirely.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. Oh man. This wasn't, uh, really something supposed to be read by anybody who isn't me. I probably shouldn't publish this like at all, really. It's really personal. Uh.. Man. I'm like, 90% sure you're dead right now, but, Koko, if somehow you're reading this (or not. Since you're probably dead and all. I know it in my heart but it's a nice thought that maybe you're still out there or something.) then, well, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. For everything. I don't know what I'm apologizing for but, well, I'm sorry. If you are dead I'm sorry for killing you. If you're not dead, then, sorry for publishing a vent fic of our relationship while presuming that you're dead and I killed you? That'd be an awkward thing to read.


End file.
